How to Ruin A Church Service

1. Don’t start on time.

2. Don’t end on time. – communicate that you don’t have respect for other people’s time.

3. Make it so woman-friendly. – flowers in the pulpit, white curtains, cheesy love songs dominate the worship time.

4. Don’t offer kids ministry. Let the kids sit with the adults. They need some unadulterated sermons.

5. Embrace your preference and don’t study the culture of your city.

6. Let the pastor do everything. Don’t get volunteers – they are busy the whole week and they need to be ministered to by you alone.

7. Have guards instead of ushers. It doesn’t have to be trained and licensed guards. It could be your members who just closes and opens the door when people enter church.

8. Speak heavy Christian Language. Impress them with your greek and hebrew. Mix it with some seminary language.

9. Make parking hard. Attract the serious Christians.

10. Preach the end times all the time.